The Sweet Life

I’m with my senior friend and we’ve stopped at White Castle. She wants two white castles and an onion ring. (Is “white castle” what everyone says for the simple burger?) I agree to have one white castle ‘cause you can’t exactly have that smell in the car and not have one. She asks, “Why only one?”

I say, “Because I’m getting fat eating with you.” We’ve already had a light lunch.

We head back to the house and before we get there she says I’ll have to eat her second burger. I say, “Okay.” When we get in the house she says, “Have that before it’s cold.”

I say, “I will. I’ll take it with me.”

“Where are you going?” she asks.

“Home,” I say. “It’s almost 3:00.”

There’s nothing I’m rushing home for. I walk in and see that Donny did the dishes. I always feel so embarrassed or guilty or something when that happens.

I sit here and eat the white castle even though I’m not hungry. I’m drinking the iced coffee I had to stop at Holiday to get for my friend and me. This is a why I’m getting fat.

Now here I am and I have nothing calling to me. I’m half expecting the phone to ring. Donny – asking me to pick up Henry. He’s getting busier and busier. I avoid the fact that I have nothing to write. No creative juices flowing. I wish I didn’t feel this way. I wish, feeling this way, that I had ambition for other projects. I don't. I feel lazy. Slovenly. I take care of things at my senior friend’s house, and not here. To come home and do it here in my half hour before Henry – it would feel like spending my whole day at housework and care giving. I am not, for whatever reason, at peace with this.

I will go in shortly so I’m there when Henry and Donny come in. Henry likes me to say the same thing everyday. The other day I asked, “Who’s here?” and he said, “No, Umma. Who’s home.”

I say, “Who’s home?”

He says, “Me.”

I say, “My sweetheart.”

He told me one day, “Mama calls me Peanut and Grandpa calls me Pumpkin.” I asked, “What do I call you?” I have so many endearments for him, I really didn’t know what he’d say. He said, “Sweetheart.”

Sweetheart it is…from now on.

It is such a sweet little life. Lacking in peace, but sweet.